“Here we have for sale the green monster that can only be Phil and Teds. I shall be glad to see it leave my premises and never return.”
So begins possibly the best item description we’ve ever read on eBay.
“This was purchased against my wishes many years ago as I never wanted any children and a buggy signified my wife’s intent to have children,” writes wit and reluctant father ukjoel25. “We argued much and this buggy signifies everything that ended my happy carefree low cost child free life.”
“I now have 3 children, and a Labrador and am forced to endure the school run where women I dont know try and discuss the price of centre parc holidays, and the benefits of the micro over the mini micro scooter,” he adds. “To summarize my life is over and this green albatross needs to go round some other poor sods neck.”
As ukjoel25’s children are all now walking (“often in completely the wrong direction”), he feels that someone else deserves to give the green buggy a good home. Oh, and he’ll chuck in the “spare bits” he’s been collecting “from other zombified fathers who were once full of life”, too – and “the pannier bags (whatever they are)” which will be added to the listing once his other half “conquers her fear of heights and gets into the loft”.
So, yes: in ukjoel25’s words, “you too can screw up your life” if you can afford it (and can collect the buggy from SO31). Although be warned – at the time of writing, it’s going for over £154,000. Still, it’s for a good cause – because, as he says, “Any money generated from this sale will be used to help me recover from children (and probably involve drugs and alchohol)”. We do hope his other half knows how he feels. Somehow, we suspect she does…